Banana Man's Adventures in the World of Parody
by TaleForge
Summary: Oneshot, Legendia Edition. A quick look into the world of TOL with every ones favorite fruit themed superhero. R&R please.


Banana Man ran into battle against the twenty-seventh thousandth variation of the same bear. "Banana Bomb!" he yelled as he attacked, the giant explosion miraculously doing little damage. Behind him, Piney the Pineapple wonder was busy with a magic spell.

Fan-person: They're called "Crystal Eres"

Narrator: Shut up Fan-Person! Don't make me halt this Narrative for stupid things like that!

Banana Man unleashed all of his most powerful attacks, but the held no effect on the still advancing monster.

"Hold on!" Banana Man yelled, and true to Banana Man's personality, everyone stopped. "Why is it that incredible combos and unbelievable feats of strength, agility, and athleticism can't even manage to knock the opponent backwards, but this bear's tiny hand swipe can do untold damage and interrupt my incredible attacks?" He turned to the Egg Bear, "And another thing: What the hell is with this creature? Some retarded grizzly with a swipe reminiscent of some of the more effeminate populace? Don't you think I have better things to do with my time than fight the same monster over and over again because he has a new coat?"

Piney piped up, "Uh, Banana Man, do you think I could release this Crystal Eres? I just spent twelve hours listing off a melo-dramatic vow preparing it."

"Good luck with that! After spending all my TP on physical attacks…"

Fan-person: Those are "Iron Eres"!

Narrator: I will turn this fic around young man/woman/dolphin! I don't tell you how to write your stupid "Rikku no rails" and your "Yowies!" so don't tell me how to make fun of a video game!!

Now where was I…?

"After spending all my TP on PHYSICAL ATTACKS… anything you do couldn't possibly do anything to make it any worse."

Piney nodded, "Feather Attack!" A lone feather fluttered on the Egg bear's head… and then exploded, doing loads of damage and blowing the hapless enemy to the other side of the field (Which really isn't that far).

"Okay, stop again!" Banana man called, and everyone stopped again, "What the hell? I run out of TP doing hundreds of attacks and barely nick the dude, but you do some sorta magic which cost so little TP you can recover it while you're freakin' casting and blow him backwards with a cataclysmic explosion?!?!?"

Piney frowned, "We beat him, didn't we? Come on, let's get our spoils."

Banana man stared up at the screen, "Yes, time to get the gold that Monsters inexplicably hold on them."

Fan-Person: It's called "Gald", with an "A"

Narrator: What? What are you talking about?

Fan-Person: The term for currency in T.O.L. isn't Gold, it's…

Narrator: That's it! I am going to call Banana Man up myself when this fic is over. Where's that Banana Phone?

Banana Man by now was getting quite pissed, "Halt, in the name of ranting!" And everything stopped, "Sunnova- Negative twenty-seven-point-five grade? How does that happen?"

Piney looked over the grade screen, "I think the weapon you have on was a bad element to use on the bear. Your grade goes down with every strike you use on an opponent with a weapon of its element."

"WHAT?!?!?!? You're telling me that no matter how bad I kick an opponent's butt, my grade goes down to an unfair amount just because I didn't choose the right gloves for the job? Are you telling me if I want to actually acquire this useless number, I have to equip stuff that is weaker?"

Piney tried to calm the warrior, "Relax, Banana Man, we beat the battle. Know what we have to do now?"

Banana Man's face lit up, "We get to save the world from the evil emperor or whatever evil power stands before us?"

"No, now we get to talk for hours about our feelings and our thoughts on racism all while resolving some personal problem about you."

"But I have no personal problems…"

"Were your parent's killed?"

"No."

Any loved ones murdered that you wanna get revenge on?"

"Not that I know of…"

"Did you have a puppy?"

"What?"

Piney elaborated, "When you were a kid. Did you have a puppy when you were a kid?"

Banana Man groaned, "No, I didn't have a puppy when I was young; what does that…"

"All Right! Let's talk for hours about how you never had a puppy."

A few hours later, our yellow fruit-themed hero finds himself foaming at the mouth, his constant pressing of the X button made all the more annoying by the fact that all voice acting seemed to simply vanish halfway through.

"Now that we have solved your puppy problem," Piney declared, "it's time to…"

"Time to what?" Banana Man interrupted, "Time to marvel for hours at the many profound differences between blondes and brunettes?"

Fan-Person: Ferines and Or-

(The Narrator can make no comment, as he is too busy pounding the heck out of an annoying Fan-Person.)

"No" Piney answered, "Now to fight your evil half, shown as evil only because he is a monochrome version of yourself."

A monochrome Banana Man appears suddenly, "I am the spirit of Banana Man, brought into being by your spite at never having a puppy!" He throws his hands in the air, "Beware my power!"

Banana Man sighed with relief, "It's about time! Banana Bomb!!" He threw his deadly attack, but the spirit didn't even flinch and only took 2 damage. "Ah, for fu-!"

**The End**

_A little something I decided to slap together in my ample spare time, stating everything about Tales of Legendia that totally pissed me off. So flame if you wish, or agree with me, I don't care. I'm not here to entertain you; what do you think this is, a FanFic? _


End file.
